12. 51. Really, 35 children are enough." Read some of his best funny one liners. I call it insta-gram. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. Read those really good short jokes and find yourself laughing like a hyena. Read and have a fun day today! I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. Your account was created. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse. There are many one-liners that help give the summation of life in just a few words. Page 2. My father has schizophrenia, but he’s good people. 46. Congratulations, you are now a genius. I've lost three days already.' A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. Jul 29, 2018 - Billy Connolly is an excellent comedian. All funny one liners, including short jokes, clever one liners, witty one liners, corny one liners and dirty one liners. Funny One Liners. 83.02 % / 11323 votes. You'll have trouble putting on your pants. That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent". He said, "How flexible are you?" It’s impossible to put down. The largest collection of racist one-line jokes in the world. Dec 28, 2018 - Explore Ramya's board "sarcastic one liners" on Pinterest. said O' Flaherty. Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that. Don’t take life too seriously. I'm great at multitasking. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. British One Liners . Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. I spilled the beans. 16. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. Who Was Eliminated from. My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, ‘Watt?’. And a slice of lemon. A termite walks into the bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?’. I said, "I can't make Tuesdays". Here are funny one liner jokes and puns. More Funny One-Liners. 82. Share. The easiest time to add … Home. You seem to be logged out. Pursuant to U.S. Slow down. I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected. 97. 11. If you are sporting enough to happily put up a sign saying, “Mental backup in progress. Do not sell my personal information. Book. "Hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not." Empty comment. Not saying I live in a rough area but just bought an advent calendar and half the windows are boarded up! One liner tags: intelligence, stupid. of our, Mouthwatering recipes, handy kitchen tips, and more delivered to your inbox, 101 Funny One-Liners That Are Certain to Lift Your Spirits. The following is our hand picked collection of 50 of the funniest one line quotes that is sure to leave you in splits. I used to think I was indecisive. 25. I told him to be himself; that was pretty mean, I guess. Also See: Epic Sarcastic and Bitchy Quotes. 72. Relationships are a lot like algebra. 3. Laughter is good for you. - All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else. Russian dolls are so full of themselves. I told them, “Just you wait!”. 93. It was an emotional wedding. You'll have trouble putting on your pants. We present you the best collection of funny jokes for kids, dad, bad, dark humor and good. A told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. Inspiration. 71. Get to Know Eddie Murphy's 10 Children and Their Mothers. Things got a little tense. Entertainment Music TV & Film Performing Arts Visual Arts Fashion & Style Love & Romance Gaming Hobbies Fine Arts & Crafts Astrology Card Games & Gambling Cars & Motorcycles Playing Music … What if there were no hypothetical questions? 'Don't worry about it Dr Cullen, I'll come back when you're sober.' Really, 35 children are enough." Home Jokes Top 100 funniest one-liners. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’. Jan 26, 2021 - Explore John Wendt's board "Funny one liners" on Pinterest. A depresso. 66. The one-liners given below have been said by people like you and me. What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? We have rounded up some of the best collection of funny one-liners on life, funny quotes, hilarious captions, and sarcastic status messages and jokes. 33. More funny one-liners, short jokes and sayings that would look great on a t-shirt or bumper sticker. So I said to the gym instructor, "Can you teach me to do the splits?" Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Menu. Open toad sandals. And as much as we like to hear these hilarious jokes, we love to share them with our friends and family on a regular basis via social networks, such as Facebook, Twitter and WhatsApp. 81. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. 63. These clever jokes will lift your spirits, brighten your mood and get you giggling in no time. Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders. For the past 30 days, I have been sharing an Irish joke every day on my Facebook page.. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction they would get, surprisingly the jokes reached over 1 million people!. 82.63 % / 949 votes. A member has started a … Please try again. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope. Here are 15 very funny one-liners by Billy Connolly just to remind you of how witty he is. You have a lot of categories with really humor one liners and short. Russian dolls are so full of themselves. Although knock-knock jokes are classics, sometimes it’s best to skip the setup and get right to the gag. A blind man walked into a bar… and a table… and a chair…. In order to brighten your day and make you laugh out loud, I’d like to share my personal favorite flirty jokes, pick-up lines, one-liners, and just some really funny jokes to crack you up, because I’m sure you could use it. You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it. In the right side, there's nothing left. The bartender said, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.’. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. Post a comment. We don’t want your type in here!’. From winding your way through a corn maze (make sure you take a photo that pairs nicely with these fall Instagram captions) to setting up a movie marathon featuring the best Halloween movies of … The best funny one-liners. I was hoping you wouldn’t block my pop-up. Pollen is what happens when flowers can’t keep it in their plants. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving. In this article, we shall read some really funny ones that will help you see why life should always be taken with a pinch of salt. Lots of Really Funny Short Jokes & Hilarious One Liners • Here is our collection of really funny short jokes - carefully selected for their high 'laughability' rating! 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down. I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’. Enter these funny one-liners. Boy: “Want to hear a joke about my dick? Show him a used tampon and ask, “What period is this from?” 13. Laugh now, but one day we’ll be in charge. 83. 76. Funny One Liners About Life ~ Life Jokes - Life is all about ass. Enjoy them all. 54. By Julia Ludlam. 5. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. 14. 55. Use one of these to pull out a laugh: What’s another name for a vagina? Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. 2. o O o. If you want more, check out these other jokes. Trending courtesy: JOKES. One-Liner Jokes. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. "How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?" 64. If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed? 56. I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. 34. "It's never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox. Sunday, 8 July 2012 . Also you can try thousands of best jokes on Unijokes.com. 23. One of the cows didn’t produce milk today. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. You seem to be logged out. Elayne Boosler ... We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes. He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. Never mind, it’s too long.” Girl: “Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? 43. You are posting comments too quickly. It’s that no one runs in your family. Have a look at these witty one liners. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, sarcastic quotes. Try […] 42 Funny One Liner Jokes. We have made a collection of some of the best funny corny jokes that will interest you, though some might sound cliché and probably old-fashioned, they will surely make you laugh out loud. 95. 32. Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at. Four fonts walk into a bar. Breasts don’t have eyes. Who doesn’t like a good joke? 48. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I put my grandma on speed dial the other day. He disappeared without a tres. What’s a frog’s favorite type of shoes? Atheism is a non-prophet organization. That's why it's helpful to have a good one-liner in your back pocket. Firstly, being able to recall and drop a one-liner in an instant is the sign of a healthy functioning brain. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! Best One Liners The Best 1 Line Jokes of All-Time. Get link; Facebook; Twitter; Pinterest; Email; Other Apps; Comments. funny one liners this blog is based on funny one liners , sad one liners , witty one liners , funny one liner. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. I’m sorry, but if Christmas is coming – so am I.” – Sarah Millican. So, ‘Never take life seriously, no one gets out alive’ is an oft-heard and good one-liner that inspires people to be positive about life and makes you laugh. Funny one liner joke. 40. I saw a sign the other day that said, ‘Watch for children,’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’. conditions of our, Your use of this website constitutes and manifests your acceptance I can’t hold it in. 24. All sorted from the best by our visitors. 15. When the cannibal showed up late to the buffet, they gave him the cold shoulder. What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee? I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Brighten your friends’ day! 17. My friend’s bakery burned down last night. If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler. The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally. 7. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. Just burned 2,000 calories. Always borrow money from a pessimist. But one-liners don’t have to bring the cringe, some of them are smart, insightful, and stick with you for ages. ‘Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible.’‘Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.’. Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot. Really Funny One Liners About Truths ~ Truth Jokes - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.. - Consistency is the final refuge of the unimaginative. Like. 57. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one. I said, "I've been on the telly but I'm no Dean Martin". I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right. 100 Inspiring Quotes on Love and Marriage, The 35 Best Online Games to Play With Friends While Social Distancing, 100 Inspiring Quotes About Moms To Celebrate Your Mom On Mother's Day, Will Nathan Be Forced to Leave the Red Serge? I used to breed rabbits. 28. Really Funny One-Liners. A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is this stool taken?’. I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; I know live in constant fear. We're Digging into Details in Our, Kids, Kids, Kids! Your use of this website constitutes and manifests your acceptance of our User Agreement, Privacy Policy, Cookie Notification, and awareness of the California Privacy Rights. 2 Do not argue with an idiot. 82.54 % / 1928 votes. 100. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. Shutterstock "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car." Best One Liners The Best 1 Line Jokes of All-Time. Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought, "he's trying to pull a fast one". I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. Refresh your page, login and try again. 50 Funny One Liner Quotes That Will Leave You In Splits! Well, to be Frank with you, I’d have to change my name. Funny inspirational pictures.funny quotes funny image mama jokes short funny jokes new jokes funny mama jokes jokes pictures funny status updates jokes funny jokes yo mamma jokes dirty jokes clips funny funny videos pictures website jokes funniest jokes very funny jokes funny photos humorous jokes yo … And a shot of tequila. Enjoy them all. People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves. I gave him a glass of water. "Look for the fresh prints." That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. Whoops! If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages? Irish jokes are famous across the world, some good and some bad. Tommy Cooper (1921-1984) 'I'm on a whiskey diet. Shutterstock "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car." by Stephen. Moms and dads alike are sure to love these one-liners, smart jokes, and punny jokes. 52. 30. I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. ... Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! God knows they might come in handy with that guy/girl you’re swooning over! Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible. 35. Recent Posts. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing. What's Blonde and dead in a closet? – Billy Connolly. 29. It was an udder failure. A reliable joke never fails to break the ice during social interactions, and goodness knows some of us can use all the help we can get in those situations! A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. So I said to this train driver, "I want to go to Paris."
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