Love deeply. It's just not for me. Witty one liners means instant laughs. Worrying works! Have a look at these witty one liners. See more ideas about me quotes, words, great quotes. So here are 15 brilliant one-liners guaranteed to make you smile. Be beautiful." See TOP 10 dirty one liners. ♦ The key to happiness is self-delusion. —Maya Angelou. Round is a shape isn’t it? 9 Brilliant One Liner Quotes Your secret’s safe with me. Log in. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? No one’s listening until you fart. Absolutely hillarious attitude one-liners! See more ideas about jokes, one liner jokes, one liner. Witty one liners are jokes that are delivered in a single line. You have two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'. Brilliant one liner quotes: When in doubt, mumble. Only dead fish go with the flow. The largest collection of motivational one-line jokes in the world. They are not only hilarious, but can help send the sarcastic remarks and messages in a light way. 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If you can’t convince them, confuse them. It was a line so epic, Jay-Z used it to open one of the songs on his "retirement" album. I’m in shape. Hailing Taxis. They’re here to replace us. Brilliant one-liners: I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious. We celebrate Joan Rivers' wit with her 11 best one-liners. If you need more compassion in your life or want to spread it to those around you, read through and share these kindness quotes. So far, so good. Today’s brilliant one liner quotes: 668 – The neighbour of the beast. 80% of people are caused by accidents. Some clever one liners which are sure to tickle the fancies of those who enjoy word play, and that too with a comical twist. Brilliant one liner quotes: When in doubt, mumble. Be compassionate. All sorted from the best by our visitors. So kiss slowly. The 21 Best One-Liner Jokes Ever. Russell Crowe's Maximus gives zero you know whats at this point in "Gladiator," remaining defiant. Round is a shape isn’t it? See TOP 10 attitude one liners. Absolutely hillarious motivational one-liners! I hate Russian dolls. Forgive quickly. Quotes tagged as "one-liner" Showing 1-30 of 141 “Life is too short to be anything but happy. Take chances and never have regrets. "The one thing I do not want to be called is ‘first lady.' Baseball legend Yogi Berra died Tuesday at age 90, and while many will certainly remember him as a 10-time World Series champion, many will also remember him for his brilliant one-liners. Your secret’s safe with me. The largest collection of attitude one-line jokes in the world. Always give 100 %, unless you’re donating blood. Please share this post with your friends: This site uses cookies to improve your experience. Brilliant one-liner quotes: Everything’s difficult before it’s easy. Don’t think of yourself as an organic … Constipated people don’t give a crap. “I went to buy a candle holder but the store did not have one, so I brought a cake.” – Mitch Hedberg “This jacket is dry clean only, which means it’s dirty.” – Mitch Hedberg “I could be a morning person — but only if morning started at noon!” ― Carol Storm “Don’t waste water on washing your shirt, use photoshop!” Is it bad luck to be superstitious? They all made me smile and I hope at least one … Aug 15, 2019 - Explore Dee B's board "Brilliant one liners" on Pinterest. I want to live forever. Khalil Gibran (The Madman – My Friend, 1918) The sun is new every day. 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And as you can notice, there aren’t too many Paris Hiltons, Justin Biebers and Barack Obamas around here. Cheers! Be loving. Is it bad luck to be superstitious? Inspirational quotes and motivational quotes have the power to get us through a bad week, and can even give us the courage to pursue our life's dreams. If only we could invoice people for wasting our time. See TOP 10 motivational one liners. I wasn’t even listening. 82.54 % / 1928 votes. I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow. ... For when you are in a hurry to make people laugh, just pull out one of these brilliant short one-liner jokes that are guaranteed to make people laugh, probably because of how silly they are. "When I'm sittin' down to dinner with the family, stuff just pops out," Berra insisted during a recent interview, The Associated Press reported. All those who believe in telekinesis raise my hand. So what will keep these famous lines in history is not only the quotes themselves, but also the moments when they were delivered. Jul 3, 2018 - Explore Melissa Winner's board "Jokes", followed by 111 people on Pinterest. Aug 4, 2018 - We all need a laugh and good one-liners can offer a quick laugh. They all made me smile and I hope at least one or two of them will make you smile too. Be daring. One-Liners Quotes - BrainyQuote. Simone Weil (Gravity and Grace, 1942) Life is too short to be little. The largest collection of dirty one-line jokes in the world. The trouble with the rat raceis that even if you win, you're still a rat.~ Lily Tomlin. And for more great zingers from the halls of power, here are The 25 All-Time Greatest One-Liners by Politicians. Be brave. The largest collection of stupid one-line jokes in the world. Absolutely hillarious stupid one-liners! Log in. In the right side, there's nothing left. I’m in shape. As Joan Rivers dies, look back over her best one liners. "One of the weirdest places I've seen the line pop up," says writer-director Tate Taylor, "was in a gift shop in Mississippi. Be brilliant. Spread some happiness with these. Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it. One one-liner a day keeps the doctor away…so, here is a shortlist of the best one-liners you can find on the internet today. All sorted from the best by our visitors. If you want more wisdom from your favorite influential men and women, check out the 30 Best Celebrity Relationship Quotes. 40 Of History’s Most Brilliant One-Liners Ever Quoted. One liner tags: insults, intelligence, rude, stupid. I want to live forever. 60. So far, so good. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Absolutely hillarious dirty one-liners! 59. Mike Myers as Austin Powers makes me laugh - that was genius - and Daffy Duck makes me laugh, but I like odd behavior. I don’t know why” Master of the … Funny QuotesLife QuotesIndividuality Quotes 21 brilliant one-liners that will make you smile Here are 21 brilliant one-liners. Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes. Benjamin Disraeli (Coningsby, 1844) Courage is found in unlikely places. "Dream, struggle, create, prevail. ~ George Orwell. The road to success has so many tempting parking spaces. The farther away the future is, the better it looks. I do all my own stunts but never intentionally. Constipated people don’t give a crap. I don't like hip dialogue and one-liners and all that sort of cool, sophomoric comedy. Oct 28, 2018 - Here are 21 brilliant one-liners. Have fun! If only we could invoice people for wasting our time. What Your Yearbook Quote Says About You: 55 Brilliant and Funny Yearbook Quotes To Inspire You . 1. Be strong. Be safety conscious. June 23, ... You’ve been known for being sarcastic, making a joke or singing someone’s praises – all with the help of a sweet one-liner. See TOP 10 stupid one liners. - Caterina Fake This site uses cookies to improve your experience. All sorted from the best by our visitors. The world can always use more kindness. 105 of the best short jokes and one-liners to get you laughing in seconds “I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. Don’t trust children. I wasn’t even listening. No one’s listening until you fart. ♦ Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist…”he that is not with me is against me.”. 82.63 % / 949 votes. Kindness quotes. It sounds like a saddle horse," Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis famously said about her title. If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities. Only dead fish go with the flow. They are all perfectly true though.
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